The Big One, are you ready?

Normally I like to start my posts with  a reference to a song but there didn't seem to be a single tune,  that I could think of,  relevant to the hazards of earthquakes or their aftermaths. Someone better tell Simon Cowell there's a gap in the pop market. In the nick of time, Carole King came to the rescue. Here's hoping that I never do, "feel the Earth, move, under my feet". Take it away Carole...

The Missus and I have just taken delivery of our disaster kit  from Amazon. Having moved to perhaps the most famous earthquake territory in The World, it was decided that a little bit of "justincasedness" would be prudent. I remember watching reports of the last big earthquake to hit San Francisco on "John Craven's Newsround" as a child and being in awe of what I saw.  The image that stuck in my mind then, and does to this day, is that of the collapsed upper deck of the Oakland Bay Bridge.

Unnerving public public service adverts appearing at bus stops near you now

 Known as the "1989 Loma Prieta Earthquake" or the "World Series Earthquake" because it happened during a game between the Oakland Athletics and the San Francisco Giants, it was the first major quake to be broadcast live on US telly. Whoo. Go team.  It measured 6.9 on the Richter Scale, sadly killed sixty three people and left thousands homeless. This was not "The Big One" that is supposedly due any day now. In fact, I believe it's overdue. Oh goody. 

Sadly not a reliable option

Prior to moving here my other mental images of earthquakes were from "Superman The Movie". In a mad dash to put everything right, Superman saves a school full of kids from toppling off the Golden Gate Bridge. This is good work, though sadly not something to be relied upon nor something that can be pre-bought from Amazon. The other image, also from Superman, is of Lois Lane in her car swerving to avoid falling telephone polls, then being swallowed up into the ground as a rift opens up. 

Superman wonders if the car's a write-off

Now, while Superman sadly cannot be relied up to help out in either situation, it is at least in some way reassuring to know that in an earthquake the ground does not open up and swallow anyone, or anything, whole. For those on the Golden Gate Bridge, take solace that it survived 1989 and suspension bridges are designed to move.

What the ground does and did do in 1989, is liquify. In essence the ground shakes so violently that it acts like a liquid. This does not sound good. Worse still, this happens most on loose soil, in say The Marina area of San Francisco, not far from where The Missus and I now live. Fortunately we do not live on loose soil, "The wise man built his house upon rock." As my preparation manual helpfully points out, The Marina area was devastated in 1989. The earthquake kit is becoming an increasingly wise purchase. 

A sizeable delivery

Box within a box, is this earthquake retrofitting?

Once hauled into the flat, it seemed wise to open the package, especially considering there could be an earthquake at any moment, and I'm glad we did. In the middle of disaster getting into Amazon's serious approach to packing could have meant the difference between life and death. Once inside, the swag kept on coming and coming.

The deluxe emergency kit

Now I feel the need to detail everything therein as it appeared on opening the box.

13 x sachets of purified drinking water (yet this kit is designed for two people)
2 x rock hard packs of emergency food rations each containing six bricks (of something allegedly edible)
1 x mini first aid kit (fair enough, what can't be fixed with a plaster?)
1 x emergency blanket (I suppose the thinking is that if you need two you're beyond the help of the kit)
1 x 5in1 survival whistle - compass, whistle, flint, signal mirror, waterproof match container (I think this one really is over selling itself)
1 x multi purpose knife (can't argue with that)
2 x face masks (for that SARS chic look)
Some rope
1 x pair of work gloves (though working/gardening would be far from my mind)
1 x rubber flashlight
2 x ponchos
1 x emergency camping tent (no poles so God knows how that stays up)
1 x AM/FM radio
2 x glow sticks (now we're talking)
1 x bottle of poppers (really water purification tablets but I'm going on first impressions here)
1 x rucksack for all the incredibly heavy swag.

Now does it not strike you, for it did me, that this list is not dissimilar to your basic festival needs? So in the event of an earthquake, I am at least looking forward to a good old singalong in our pre-decided emergency rendezvous point. I just hope everyone knows the words to Coldplay's "Yellow".  If only there were such a thing as wind-up internet, we could always download the words. I may have to pitch that idea to Steve Jobs.

Of course I am being facetious and preparation really is key to increasing our chances of survival. The kit is stowed in a safe yet easily accessible place. Where it's not too much effort the Seven Steps to Earthquake Safety have been adhered to. I've drawn the line at fixing pictures securely to walls, but chosen instead to precariously hang things where they won't fall on our heads. Seemed easier. The one thing left to do, and this does seem a little extreme bearing in mind we're in a flat, is secure a torch and spare pair of shoes in a bag, under the bed.  I do now wish I hadn't thrown away my Glastonbury wellies.

Wellie Graveyard Glastonbury 2011

Earthquakes really are no laughing matter but these things should be approached with a little sense of humour when making recovery plans. I had always wondered as  child what kind of a fool would live on a known major fault line, turns out, it's me. Having left the Motherland, where there's nothing that tries to bite you, or has massive claws capable of swiping off your head, nor is there anything that can inject lethal venom into your veins,  here I am in a place that not only has all that, but the very ground you stand on could go ape any minute. Well it all adds a bit of spice, doesn't it?