One week into the new life and the serious business of living here has started. For me there's still an element of holiday thrown in. This is in no small part down to not having to go to work each day. Curse the US immigration rules that say I have to be here for three months before I can get a job. Well, in the scale of curses, this is more of a British mutter and a barely audible tut. I must suffer this sentence stoically. The glorious sunshine and perfect temperatures over the last three days has also had its fair part to play in my ease at adjusting to the stereotypical California lifestyle. Now just where did I pack that Beach Boys CD?
Yet even for an aspiring "bum" like me, there are tasks to be achieved, to-do lists to be written and plenty of hill walking to achieve my set goals. One of these is to get a social security number. Now I know my UK National Insurance number off by heart. In an element of unparalleled British government efficiency, it was automatically posted to me on a handy 80s coloured credit card, on or around my sixteenth birthday. Umpteen student job applications have drilled the unique combination of numbers and letters into my brain. Sadly, being an "alien", no such ease for me here in the United States. So bright an early on Tuesday morning, The Missus and I pitched up at the San Mateo Social Security Offices. Some excellent advice from a friend of The Missus, avoid the equivalent office, the "zoo", in downtown San Francisco. I do like the idea of monkeys and giraffes gaggling about in government buildings, but somehow I don't think this is what he had in mind.
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| Joey Boswell from the BBC's Bread |
On Tuesday I felt like Joey Boswell as I took a ticket and sat patiently with my forms, for I was surprised to learn that there is a benefit system in the USA. I do not yet know how extensive it is and I am sure, and hope, that I will never encounter the need for it, however it does exist. We Brits do like to mock the Americans whenever possible, and a snipe at their Welfare State, or lack thereof, is an easy target. I shall not go into this detail, mainly because I have no idea what I am talking about, but there are many reasons be so very proud of the our state handouts and of course the mighty NHS back home. Search online for the hoo haa surrounding Daniel Hannan's criticism of the National Health Service during Obama's race for presidency and you'll see the depth of patriotism the UK free healthcare system evokes.
So there I sat, for a tolerable hour and half facing a wall while people were indiscriminately called to the, on average, one out of six counters that were actually manned. For here lies a charming similarity between the UK and US faces of government. Take a ticket. Wait. Wait some more. Read a leaflet or two, but spend most of your time pondering why on Earth are there so many counters and only one or at best two staffed. Yet San Mateo is clever for they make the waitees (sic) face the wall thereby denying them any easy observation of the queuing system, lack of staff or quite frankly, LSD fired numbering system. For, if you have ticket number 212 and the previous calls have been for 209, 210 and 211 don't sit contentedly, assuming you'll be next. That would be foolish for out of nowhere, G47 may appear.
Do not despair. Not only have officials provided plenty of the aforemention leaflets as reading material to rifle through but they have also proudly mounted leaflet campaigns throughout the decades onto the walls for you to peruse and admire. Not only this, but a flatscreen TV provides handy information about how to apply for Medicare, benefits and all your social security needs....online. Online. Online? It's a little bit late now I am sitting in this industrial estate to be told I could do this from the comfort of my rather nice, centrally situated flat.
Yet again though any frustration is tempered by the fantastic soap-style comedy-drama that is re-played on the screen. This is a sort of Golden Girls come Hollyoaks omnibus that would no doubt exist should the UKs T4 be transported to Florida, 1989. I was transfixed. Sitcom type settings in comfortable middle class houses, old people confused by filling in forms with the same old people double upped (liking any rubbish Eddie Murphy film you may think of) filling in the same forms online, using the worlds largest and surely most antiquated laptop. TV gold.
When ticket 212 was called we politely shuffled up to the admin clerk and explained our situation. An extremely polite bloke helped us through, and with regret advised that without either our marriage certificate or work permit I would not be able to get a social security number. This was quite in contast to the sour faced attitude I was expecting. No po-faced Liverpudlian denying The Boswells today. I now hope that said certificate is safely packed in one of the many boxes currently chugging through the Panama Canal. I should be more organised with these things. I should follow the lead of the lady before us who had, most impressively, filed and laminated every important document since the Domesday Book. Fortunately the wife was able to submit her application and so we wait for the number to come through. One more step towards actually existing in the USA and after all this excitement of government interaction, I need a cup of tea and a biscuit.
When ticket 212 was called we politely shuffled up to the admin clerk and explained our situation. An extremely polite bloke helped us through, and with regret advised that without either our marriage certificate or work permit I would not be able to get a social security number. This was quite in contast to the sour faced attitude I was expecting. No po-faced Liverpudlian denying The Boswells today. I now hope that said certificate is safely packed in one of the many boxes currently chugging through the Panama Canal. I should be more organised with these things. I should follow the lead of the lady before us who had, most impressively, filed and laminated every important document since the Domesday Book. Fortunately the wife was able to submit her application and so we wait for the number to come through. One more step towards actually existing in the USA and after all this excitement of government interaction, I need a cup of tea and a biscuit.
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