Maybe Tomorrow

The English Hobo

I have a home, I have a house. It's a great little London house. It's well cared for and  for over five years The Missus and I have renovated it to what we like to think is a good standard. It's tasteful too, though I am sure everyone considers their own taste to be well, "All in the best possible taste".

Now before The Missus and I took the plunge and bought our home, we were exemplary tenants in several flats in London. I am not just saying that, we truly were.  For our last rental, a one bedroom semi-open plan affair in "Queen of the Suburbs" Ealing, we had a great relationship with the landlords. We rented their home from them when they had to leave London to have their first child. The relationship was so good that they even visited and brought the nipper to see us. This status was even maintained  despite one or two ill-advised hard house after parties, complete with decks and banging music that went on far, too far, into Sundays. Renting a flat, piece of affordable, organic cake.

Now I find myself back as a helpless rentee, looking for a rentor. America is a great place. It pains me sometimes to say it, but it is. Not as great as Great Britain, that goes without saying. If it were, it'd be called the Great United States of America, but the USA does have so much to offer. In turn though, America expects you to work. Work hard for everything.  I suppose there's some subconscious Protestant work ethic moral ever so thinly hidden in the American psyche, and this ethic is not shy when looking for a place to live.

A professional couple with significant funds, good income and strong English accents would,  you'd have thought, have set The Missus and I up for an easy path to bay view, hardwood floor, granite surface, open plan, with parking, laundry in building, close to all amenities....living. Not so. We are just one of many applicants for every half decent apartment in this city.

If only he'd answer the bloody phone

Just what is this application business anyway? I have filled out lighter job applications. Just who does keep a record of every landlord they've had the misfortune to do business with over the last decade? Seeing as The Missus and I have owned our own place in London since 2006, are we really expected to remember the details of our previous landlords, as lovely as they were? Apparently, yes we are. For a forward thinking country, America does like its bureaucracy and paperwork. May be the lack of actual history means that whatever history does exist, should be laminated, filed, bound and backed up. Perhaps every tenant on leaving a premises should bury a time capsule outside to preserve any records that may, on a whim, be necessary. For this I mean payslips, phone numbers, preferred TV stations, favourite toothpaste.  The list could be endless but in no way more nor less interesting than whatever dross Blue Peter continue to insist kids bury in their gardens for future generations to dig up. At least the Romans had the decency to leave just "series of small walls" and leave the rest to our imaginations. 

Well I write this post because my legs ache from walking up hills, and back down them again, visiting potential flats. My fingers hurt from constantly clicking on Craigslist hoping for an update to the listings. My anger grows ever redder because some prick in an agency keeps spamming Craigslist with the same over priced pokey apartment that no one wants to rent, yet raises my hopes up each time one of his new, ever so slightly differently written, listings appear. Daniel, you know who you are, do it one more time and I shall lamp you.

It's a rollercoaster ride this flat hunting malarky. One day a plethora of good flats, whilst the next is dross. I am hurt that for a flat I loved I didn't even get a call back. Don't they even know who I am?

Yet all is not lost. The Missus and I have a plan and we work as a team. So, San Francisco landlords, we shall move into a flat here soon and it may bloody well be yours.

....somewhere to live

Oh and if anyone in SF reading does have a flat to rent, do get in touch. We'd be dream tenants. It's not a case of may be tomorrow I want to settle down, it's right now.